small glass,
sugar,
citrus,
liquor,
ignition,
she said it was the first hot drink of the season,
apologizing profusely as i was, it warmed my belly well,
and slow to consume it, for the bottom means a staggering wait for the six months pissing rains to end,
the clear shown table though holds another cold dark fit,
she could not see in my tired face, the fear growing for the appearance of clean wood grain,
too many others,
long last the reasons for long faces,
glasses,
a smile,
money changing more than hands,
expectations,
air scented a trailer home's perfume,
too much to remember in one sunday,
without the gloss of oak bar room snare, her visage read equivalent,
a brilliant woman,
a couch,
some yarn,
a circular saw,
the memory of deceased k9,
neither wanting to admit the growing taste, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches,
drink gently,
relax as long as you like,
rest a weary sense of longing to release this annual letdown,
a feeling a kind to the first nail through such tender groomed modern feet,
this is why we love it
31 August, 2008
19 August, 2008
homage
"thanks to t.v. and the convenience of t.v., you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either liberal or conservative".
kurt vonegut "cold turkey" may 10th 2004
kurt vonegut "cold turkey" may 10th 2004
17 August, 2008
a- “without”, and nomos “law”
there exists a sea of words that are claimed by the scientific realm we agree to call sociology. many of these terms could belong to any other field of science, but when a scientist from one sect gets a hold of them they create the appearance of ownership, in some right.
one of these terms that remains in a most heated dispute is "anomie", which basically means normlessness or lacking a common idea. every social theorist who uses this term has a slightly unique interpretation of its meaning, but the one directly associated with normlessness is Emile Durkheim. Emile was a structuralist, which explains why theorists from other perspectives would have different interpretations. norms are unspoken social rules that are understood by the vast majority of inhabitants of a society. examples of these would be; keeping a low tone in fine dining establishments, not scoffing when asked for change, smiling at children and elderly, and so forth. norms can run much deeper as well. there are norms attached to every role we play in society, from the way doctors placate patients, bikers wear black and look angry, police officers and clergy pretend to have compassion, sixteen year old anarchist kids all have the same idea of how to be different from everyone else, mail carriers unquestioningly wear shorts in the winter months, and the list could continue for every sub-segment of the human population. these are things that are expected of a person because of the role they choose to or are forced to play in the world. these are not the most relevant examples, but they are also not the point of this particular diatribe.
the point is that i am experiencing some degree of anomie today. or for two days. perhaps it has been a few fortnights. feels like years. i recall being thirteen once, and it may have begun then. it's relatively overt lately. an awful lot is changing, primarily for the good, for me as a person with many roles (person twenty-seven years of age, single father, european american, male-ish, grad student, agnostic, cyclist, vegetarian, serial drinking, egalitarian, east coast sales representative, non-cigarette-smoking, professor wanna-be, poetry lover, bass player, sexually confused, socially awkward and on...) to attend to. this week i moved out of the house my good friend emily kate olson and i brought our daughter home to fourteen months ago. i have a job that bores me to death, but provides healthcare for penelope beatrice and me. my graduate program begins in about a month and i am not sure how i am going to afford it, as the funding was nearly dry by the time i was admitted.
the vein of all this confusion is that i don't have any idea what to expect of myself, or what is expected of me right now. it may be that there are a few too many major changes to deal with at one sitting, as that is definitely the first thought.
i reckon that i am honestly saying that if you (i think only one of my fans still reads this rag) see me any time soon, and i seem to be a bit lost, i likely am. you should hug me and invite me to tea. another symptom of this anomie is that you get insecure and may come off a touch defensive about being touched. the truth of the matter is that touch is all i want right now. some human contact that is genuine in some way at all. must be insecure if i am alerting my needs in a forum no one will ever see. huh?
so now that i have obligated you, be sure to make that genuine, eh? i kid. i realize now that this sounds a lot like i am depressed, but i don't think that is the case at all this time. just incredibly lost like never before, and a little frightened. i hear we need that every now and again.
one of these terms that remains in a most heated dispute is "anomie", which basically means normlessness or lacking a common idea. every social theorist who uses this term has a slightly unique interpretation of its meaning, but the one directly associated with normlessness is Emile Durkheim. Emile was a structuralist, which explains why theorists from other perspectives would have different interpretations. norms are unspoken social rules that are understood by the vast majority of inhabitants of a society. examples of these would be; keeping a low tone in fine dining establishments, not scoffing when asked for change, smiling at children and elderly, and so forth. norms can run much deeper as well. there are norms attached to every role we play in society, from the way doctors placate patients, bikers wear black and look angry, police officers and clergy pretend to have compassion, sixteen year old anarchist kids all have the same idea of how to be different from everyone else, mail carriers unquestioningly wear shorts in the winter months, and the list could continue for every sub-segment of the human population. these are things that are expected of a person because of the role they choose to or are forced to play in the world. these are not the most relevant examples, but they are also not the point of this particular diatribe.
the point is that i am experiencing some degree of anomie today. or for two days. perhaps it has been a few fortnights. feels like years. i recall being thirteen once, and it may have begun then. it's relatively overt lately. an awful lot is changing, primarily for the good, for me as a person with many roles (person twenty-seven years of age, single father, european american, male-ish, grad student, agnostic, cyclist, vegetarian, serial drinking, egalitarian, east coast sales representative, non-cigarette-smoking, professor wanna-be, poetry lover, bass player, sexually confused, socially awkward and on...) to attend to. this week i moved out of the house my good friend emily kate olson and i brought our daughter home to fourteen months ago. i have a job that bores me to death, but provides healthcare for penelope beatrice and me. my graduate program begins in about a month and i am not sure how i am going to afford it, as the funding was nearly dry by the time i was admitted.
the vein of all this confusion is that i don't have any idea what to expect of myself, or what is expected of me right now. it may be that there are a few too many major changes to deal with at one sitting, as that is definitely the first thought.
i reckon that i am honestly saying that if you (i think only one of my fans still reads this rag) see me any time soon, and i seem to be a bit lost, i likely am. you should hug me and invite me to tea. another symptom of this anomie is that you get insecure and may come off a touch defensive about being touched. the truth of the matter is that touch is all i want right now. some human contact that is genuine in some way at all. must be insecure if i am alerting my needs in a forum no one will ever see. huh?
so now that i have obligated you, be sure to make that genuine, eh? i kid. i realize now that this sounds a lot like i am depressed, but i don't think that is the case at all this time. just incredibly lost like never before, and a little frightened. i hear we need that every now and again.
01 August, 2008
snake juice
off to bend, oregon this weekend for a full weekend of bike racing goodness at the "high desert omnium". it's been too long since i have spent a weekend outside the bubble that is Portland. i am looking forward to some r&r in the sweet clean desert air, when not racing. time to finish some book reading that has been on hold. yeah!
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