step #5 in the process of "becoming 30 yoa".

(here is something i work every day to achieve, and decided to write down)

the most obvious alternative to most of the things i talk shit about, with regard to other people, would be for everyone to be just like me. this is in no way what i want. i enjoy the diversity of people, and for the majority would never want to change them. "good" or "bad" (save those who are emotionally or physically harming others with their choices).

for this old codger, the time has come my friends. time to stop judging people based on their benign choices, and rather observe and learn from those choices. not to say i wish to be less critical, rather that i should be critical of things worth being critical of and simply learn from other things (yes i know "things" it too broad a term, but i am on a homework break and have no time now to elaborate). i believe it is possible to determine a relatively clear distinction between the harmful and harmless. i am supposedly some sort of sociologist after all. i may as well start making the science more a part of my personal life if i wish to be a good one (that sentence was intended to incite comment from any and all of my post-modernist and deconstructionist readers).

la force des oeufs

it's important to recall what it took to get here-
everything began so broad conceptually, and moved pavement under step-
as a reflection of everything i have done and how it should change, this is acceptable-
walking to stores, buildings we call houses and flooded with mixes of emotions-
it's not likely that i can make this clear and benign at the same time-
we hold like eggs under pressure-
it's our shape that keeps us safe-
if i believe that of you we ought to be ok-
but it has come time now, that i think of wearing colors-
my childhood is re-synthesized through the window in the hallway-
my child holds the strings to a cradled new belonging-
and for this we have a synthesis--she wins--simply-
learning to learn is not taken lightly-
and if it's cryptic you like, then you may no longer like me-
we hold like eggs under pressure-
it's our shape that keeps us safe

margot's fear of spiral-staircases

& it was beautiful!
my recent excursion to Belgium and the Netherlands (Holland) was in every way amazing! i met some fabulous people, learned a great deal about myself and a bit about another part of the world. i began the trip in Brussels, then Antwerp, Rotterdam and Amsterdam. the sun made an appearance for nearly half of every day, and the temperature never rose above 4 degrees celsius. just what this kid wants from a winter vacation! vitamin D & lots of layers!

my evidently suppressed desire to move to Europe came rushing back in waves and is not likely to ebb this go around. the cultures and political climate of the places in Europe i have visited have been much more similar to my personal beliefs than those i have experienced in the United States. several of the people i encountered welcomed me into their homes and shared stories of their lives with me. it makes no sense, but i felt more at "home" on vacation than i typically do in my home in the states. possibly this says something about my current living situation, but i feel that it is also a clear sign that something larger needs to change. it's simple really. i belong some place else in the world, and i will relocate as soon as i can.

so why don't i just do it? "if you dislike the U.S. so much, why don't you just leave", is a common part of this dialog i have had too many times. to begin, i don't dislike the U.S. as a whole. i prefer the majority of culture (in its plethora of meanings and manifestations) that i have encountered when traveling. it's not a zero sum game. to move to Europe any time soon i would have to convince Penelope Beatrice's mom to let me take her with me, or to move as well. we have both agreed to not split her life in half between us for long periods of time, as this would negate Penelope's need to create social networks and build her own relationships. there are clearly some large benefits that could come from Penelope living half the year in another country, but they are not part of the agreement. in fine, i will likely wait until Penelope is old enough to express for herself how she wants her life to work, and then her mother and i can work together to try and make that happen. until then i will try to visit as many different places as possible, and learn more about the part of the world that i will be moving to. for the moment, Belgium gets the vote!
i am absurdly jet-lagged, and hope to look back at this post with a laugh at its silly structure and poor wording. but there it is. got it out for now. such an amazing trip!