fork it

there is a smell
and i can't smell it, or i can. but i live here, so i have no way of knowing.
the 4k lbs flower on my shoulders looks lovely, and maintains the roads int eh winter so we all can arrive on time.
the knees of these roads are buckling under the salts of Gibraltar, and we stare at the beer signs in the corner and wonder why that smudge never comes clean.
i remember when i learned to spell recall, and was rewarded with a can of lysol and a scrub brush.
more rusty metal in those back yards than a Nash Rambler in 2013, hallways packed with 4k lbs flowers, packed with tape.
as we begin to learn the distinction between words that make similar sounds and shapes we are rewarded with cuts on our elbows, and our first taste of real plumbs form a tree.
some way we thought these things therapeutic, only to retrieve them pedantic, patronizing, and at least a little maze bound.  
we gave our hands over to the past that we write that day, with those droves of fire ants, surplus bags, gumshoes on the concrete, and a buss ticket to some place free of ore.
thanks for the reminder.
black coffee.

s*pace*

Jen doesn't like it when the maids leave any lights on after they have left.
it makes her feel as if someone is there, or as if she can not be certain of the contrary.

she also has her doubts about this new cellular phone, and car.
they could be smaller and more personalized.

she certainly prefers a room cold to warm, and a weekend full to empty.
Jen is an adult, after all.

YOU slow down!

that moment you can no longer find any info about your old band, and there is some other band by a strikingly similar name. that's a squishy one.

time to keep wishing there was time to play music again!

hella lame

negativity. or, with a twist of erudition, call it hyper-critical-thinking.
it' simple.
it takes far less effort than finding positive.
as a good friend called it -> focusing on what is wrong and broken, rather than what is right an worth mending.
& what's more, it does not require you to attach yourself.
if you are only ever on the minus, no one will ever suspect you of actually caring for anything.
you will never have to stick up nor back fill.
you will rarely be challenged, because you simply dislike or are not enticed by.
yup, itsa sickness.
over and over again, this year and that, you try to shake it.
time to find the positive first, you will say.
i just don't want to be so predictable. so cloudy. so negative.
then it creeps back in, like a New Year's Eve drinking resolution.
one glass on the weekend...then the remainder of the bottle.
support groups? naw. there is little cohesion in the clouds.
maybe a role model?
i want to be more like_________
i most certainly do not want to be like_______
it's undoubtedly a fight worth fighting.
beating back the clouds.
mending and righting.