can taking on water count as sinking, or is it necessary for a sinking thing to be growing less visible?
the place i work may not be a sinking ship, but one made bouant by deeply dedicated fingers stuck in holes that came there by way of external desire. the hole punchers thought they were dealing with a fortress rather than a sea vessel, and likely would not have expected buoyancy had they known. the hole pluggers, their fingers weary and tiring from the pressure of what might become sinking, look in at one another with the hope that someone has learned to free themselves long enough to see if there is a helm and rudder to the wave-tossed wondering hull they call home.
those we work for, our clients or youth, are not privy to the possibly-sinking nature of the boat. some of them found us late at night and climbed quietly on board. some were brought our way while hitching rides with pirates. others were floating along, tired from trying to learn to swim, and hopeful that we could teach something about swimming or fishing or boats. many youth would love a handshake or hug, if ever any of the hole pluggers could free all five fingers to extend. instead youth replace those hands with chemicals and things that feel like what they think a hug might. for this behavior youth are asked to keep swimming. our porous boat has little tolerance for measures beyond hole plugging.
some of us hole pluggers manage ways to love the holes, or at least love the painful fingers they create. many of us have to pull our digits free and swim with hope for a solid hull. no mention of the pain our fingers will remember, and the soon-plugged-holes forget. all of us love some of the people we work for, and may wish we loved the holes or that there were a helm. no space to mention the pain our hearts will remember, or ask who still just wants a hug. i do.
schools of youth who continue to swim will light-on panopticons of all shape and size to rest. those hidden towers shape like universities, shift leads, doctors, ministers, wardens, or community college recruiters. shift from no one freely offering a hug, to hugs as paid interaction. learning to swim is hard.
