uneven seams

i am grading papers at school this afternoon, and reading student's ideas of what is socially acceptable and what is taboo. they are evaluating these social norms per the formal and informal sanctions attached to them. relatively basic intro to sociology business.

reading all of the personal accounts folks responded with makes me think of something that is troubling me today. i have given in to an informal social norm on this same day of the year for the past eleven. i don't talk about people who have died and how i feel/felt about them. clearly this norm exists for the preservation of positive, up-lifting thought. its sanctions are bolstered by the ever popular "debbie downer" stigma. today, for a brief moment, despite my fleeting judgement, i opt to disregard this norm.

my sister, Becky Denice Gerow, died in a car accident on this day in 1997. every year i try to write something to her, but i thought this year i would make it public (no clear reason why). i love my sister very much. she is a giant part of the whole that made me who i am today. we had just begun to tear down our sibling relationship limitations and become friends the year before she died. i think about Becky every day, and often tell her things about my life. this is an odd experience for me, as it is likely the only spiritual activity in my life. i have no real spiritual beliefs to speak of, but i recognize that this is not entirely an action existing in our physical world. i am not going to give the details here, as anyone who knew her already knows their version and everyone else would likely not benefit from mine. i simply want to make mention that this is a traditionally odd/tough day in the midst of our lovely fall, and i suppose i chose to make it public knowledge because i feel that others have "traditionally odd days" as well. i want to say more, but am going to post this before that urge to erase it takes charge.