27 May, 2015

explanation-erish 1,035_:

i often share words about how i want to be, and what ways i would love to show up. for a long time i have lived through what i would love to do/be if i had my druthers. 
i know this may not always make the clearest sense, but it is a necessary thing for me. i feel like living life through what i can currently do is limiting, and in some odd way dishonest/half-honest. 

i am not interested in what systems in my life have allow me to be/do. 

that feels like voting for winners. bullshit.  

i need to look at what/who i would prefer to be. without those stories of something like hope in my daily life, i feel a lot of heavy water. 

maybe this is why i like to make plans that i know i can not act on. that one likely is not a healthy one to continue. 

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